Embarassed, frustrated, angry...with myself. I'm back from Vancouver with a weight gain and worse than the nasty fat that's refastened itself to my hips is the fact that I've avoided coming here for a good week since arriving home. Which, as you can imagine hasn't done a thing to rid myself of those ugly added pounds because it was easier to just stop trying...easier still to avoid the scale and mostly it was too easy to skip out on the calorie counting. I can see now there really isn't room for slacking off. I walked my behind off in Vancouver! I walked for miles and miles. Stood my my feet 5 hours in each of the 4 days that I worked. Paced constantly. I was careful the first few days. I made sandwiches for Mr. Soontobeskinnygirl and myself and packed oranges so we'd continue to eat healthy. I bought frozen blueberries, oat bran and soy milk so that we'd eat a good breakfast before we left for work. We drank water constantly. I honestly thought I was making wise choices when we ate dinner out. A veggie platter, consisting of steamed asparagus, sauteed mushrooms and sweet potato fries one night. I even shared it with my daughter. I KNOW there was probably too much fat. Those mushrooms were probably laden with butter and of course sweet potato fries are deep fried, but even so. I felt so energetic those first few days. I didn't want to stop walking. I didn't want to "go home"...back to my daughter's apartment. I wanted to see everything. I honestly felt like I had a little bounce in my step...even after a long day...backtracking from the SkyTrain to the grocery store and then walking those long blocks back to the apartment. My daughter noticed it. I think she was surprised! Three days in I didn't make sandwiches. Instead we stuffed our faces with burgers...thick lentil burgers on enormous buns and fat sausages covered in greasy onions, wrapped inside an even fatter bun. One thing led to another and I stopped being as careful.
I suppose it doesn't matter in the end. Whatever the reason, I didn't lose anything. I gained weight. I know some of it was water retention because I suffered from puffy ankles and felt a little bloated once I got home. I find that happens when I eat too many carbs. Standing on my feet all day never helps. I know it too, because I dropped several pounds within days of coming home...thank goodness! But not enough. Now of course I feel like I'm going backwards and all the hard work I did to lose those pounds...my beloved 10 pound loss isn't that beautiful 10 pounds anymore. It's more like 6. There...I've admitted it. This morning I weighed myself and I'm at 235.2. *sigh*
I've know I've said it before...no use crying over spilt milk. I've spent the last week feeling sorry for myself...wallowing in self pity as I stuff my face with all the things I know aren't good for me. Tomorrow I'm dusting off my iPod and plugging those calories into that program I've bragged up. I'm jumping out of bed and plugging into RealAge to sweat those pounds off with Leslie. Tomorrow I'm going to spend some time pouring over your blogs, whipping myself into a motivational frenzy. Tomorrow I'm back on track.
PS The Olympics really were electric! We had so much fun!
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