Progress of soon to be thinner me....

06 March 2010

Day 64 Embarassment

Embarassed, frustrated, angry...with myself. I'm back from Vancouver with a weight gain and worse than the nasty fat that's refastened itself to my hips is the fact that I've avoided coming here for a good week since arriving home. Which, as you can imagine hasn't done a thing to rid myself of those ugly added pounds because it was easier to just stop trying...easier still to avoid the scale and mostly it was too easy to skip out on the calorie counting. I can see now there really isn't room for slacking off. I walked my behind off in Vancouver! I walked for miles and miles. Stood my my feet 5 hours in each of the 4 days that I worked. Paced constantly. I was careful the first few days. I made sandwiches for Mr. Soontobeskinnygirl and myself and packed oranges so we'd continue to eat healthy. I bought frozen blueberries, oat bran and soy milk so that we'd eat a good breakfast before we left for work. We drank water constantly. I honestly thought I was making wise choices when we ate dinner out. A veggie platter, consisting of steamed asparagus, sauteed mushrooms and sweet potato fries one night. I even shared it with my daughter. I KNOW there was probably too much fat. Those mushrooms were probably laden with butter and of course sweet potato fries are deep fried, but even so. I felt so energetic those first few days. I didn't want to stop walking. I didn't want to "go home"...back to my daughter's apartment. I wanted to see everything. I honestly felt like I had a little bounce in my step...even after a long day...backtracking from the SkyTrain to the grocery store and then walking those long blocks back to the apartment. My daughter noticed it. I think she was surprised! Three days in I didn't make sandwiches. Instead we stuffed our faces with burgers...thick lentil burgers on enormous buns and fat sausages covered in greasy onions, wrapped inside an even fatter bun. One thing led to another and I stopped being as careful.

I suppose it doesn't matter in the end. Whatever the reason, I didn't lose anything. I gained weight. I know some of it was water retention because I suffered from puffy ankles and felt a little bloated once I got home. I find that happens when I eat too many carbs. Standing on my feet all day never helps. I know it too, because I dropped several pounds within days of coming home...thank goodness! But not enough. Now of course I feel like I'm going backwards and all the hard work I did to lose those beloved 10 pound loss isn't that beautiful 10 pounds anymore. It's more like 6. There...I've admitted it. This morning I weighed myself and I'm at 235.2. *sigh*

I've know I've said it use crying over spilt milk. I've spent the last week feeling sorry for myself...wallowing in self pity as I stuff my face with all the things I know aren't good for me. Tomorrow I'm dusting off my iPod and plugging those calories into that program I've bragged up. I'm jumping out of bed and plugging into RealAge to sweat those pounds off with Leslie. Tomorrow I'm going to spend some time pouring over your blogs, whipping myself into a motivational frenzy. Tomorrow I'm back on track.

PS The Olympics really were electric! We had so much fun!


  1. I figured this as you've been avoiding the bad news, but I'm so glad you are back. Okay, so you've spent the first part of this diet learning a little something about yourself. Reread all your comments...when you felt up or down...when your weight was up or down...and you might find this is pretty much how you've been living your life (sans blog) for the last 10 years or so...because you've pretty much managed to hold your weight steady at around this amount for about 10 years...with ups and downs of course but still. So...maybe it's time to push yourself a little harder.

  2. So glad you are back. It's better to just start over even if it seems like you don't have any start over's left in you . There are always start overs. Every day can be a start over.

    I'm heading out of town this coming weekend for a casino weekend with family where all food is free, plentiful, and much more opulent than I'm used to. I know I will not lose weight . I know I won't go completely wild, but will also allow myself to enjoy some of the special time.
    Please don't be hard on yourself . Look back on the fun you had and the time you enjoyed with good feelings. Drink plenty of water, eat fruits / veggies and just get back to it.

  3. It sounds like you are honestly facing the situation, have analyzed your choices, and now have a recovery plan. AND have learned some things.
    So, good for you for getting back on track!

  4. I know how freakin' cliche is sounds and all but it helps me to remind myself that failing isn't falling down, it's staying down. Everyone falls. That's life. Shit happens. What matters is how you respond to it. Do you stay down or do you get back up? Looks like you get back up to me. Take that success and run with it! :)