Day 39 Self Control

I've had a good week. An excellent week. I've planned my meals in advance, which I'm finding works best for me. I'm now switching between two breakfasts...one I call my morning gruel...steel cut oats, oat bran, flax seed and a little cinnamon, poured over a 1/2 cup of blueberries and eaten with natural soy milk (unsweetened)...the second my spinach and feta egg white omelet. Both seem to sustain me through the morning, until I have either my lunch or on work days when I eat lunch quite late, my smoothie. My dinners are an entirely different thing. I do need to plan them in advance, even so much as figuring how many calories I can eat through the day so that I can have the dinner I'm planning. (If that makes any sense) Needless to say we've been eating very well and super healthy. Tonight I made the Italian Meatballs in Tomato Sauce I was going to make the other day (to eat either tomorrow night or Thursday because this dish gets better when it's a few days old). I even figured out the calorie count on SparkRecipes...thanks to whomever suggested that!

I'm still measuring EVERYTHING. I'll measure the 10 portions my Italian Meatballs will serve so that I know exactly what I'm eating. My husband thinks I'm crazy. He can't believe I spoon out our dinners with a measuring cup and spoon equal portions into little plastic containers for lunch the next day or to freeze for another meal. He of course gets to eat more. That wasn't always the case. I could eat as much as him and most often our portions were equal.

Control freak that I am, I really do NEED to do this. Forever? Who knows. Maybe one day I'll recognize a normal portion without the measuring cup but for now it's what I need to do. I feel a little nervous going out for dinner...somewhere other than home. The other night I had dinner at my mom's. I made it. My eighty year old mother tends to make far too much...not only portion wise but in variety. She'll have potatoes AND rice, or noodles as a side dish, along with a whole lot of other things....often fried. It's not that I don't like her cooking, because generally I do. In fact I had dinner there a week or so ago as well and it was delicious. But I ate far too much...like I always do when I'm there. There's something about eating at my mom's and wanting to eat a LOT. Too much. It's like I lose control. I'll admit that she pushes..."oh...try some of this"..."a little of that won't hurt you". Strange really because my mom is always "hinting" that I should lose weight and then when I'm trying, she'll tell me I "can have a little". Just you wait until I lose a lot...she's sure to tell me I'm getting "too thin".

Anyway, bringing dinner to her...a low cal, uber delicious dinner felt good. I didn't overeat. In fact, I ate what I had measured out on my plate and nothing more. I didn't indulge in the individual packets of dried cranberries or the mixed nuts she'd set out after dinner...I didn't have the apple juice she kept pushing on me and I didn't have the scone.

Next week I fly to Vancouver for the Olympics! I'm excited! I'm also a little worried about "undoing" what I've done. I'm worried about eating out...eating too much...eating the right stuff. I'm going to have to work very hard at portion control and get over the fact that I can't track the calories because more often than not, I'm not going to know. The good news is that I'll be walking...miles and miles...so that'll be good.

I'm hoping I can continue to blog...to read your posts, to share what I've been doing. I'm finding I need you....your comments and your blog posts...for those pats on the back and the motivating stories that keep me just that...motivated.

I'm off to bed...night night!